Good Influences

Another thing I'm using this trip for: to try to naturally wean a friend from relying so much on me. He went through a catastrophic breakup recently (and by catastrophic, I mean restraining orders and felony accusations). He's been with the girl for 6 years, and he's known her for 12. I think that he's essentially trying to replace her with me. Constant messaging, compliments, and the occasional drunk messaging spree (on his side) all send the same message: Danger, Will Robinson!

I am not interested in saving anyone any more than I am interested in being saved. I truly believe that no one can be saved by another, at least not as regards anything other than the physical. We all have the capacity, and indeed, the responsibility to save ourselves.We might get a helping hand now and again, but the majority and the motivation MUST come from within.

So all that is to say that I am trying to accept that I can't save him and that in the effort to do so, I could very easily be dragged down by him. I need to surround myself with people who inspire me and make me a better person and he isn't one of them. I could write all the reasons why but the short version is that when I get caught up in talking to him, l drink too much and stay up too late. Then the sleep deprivation leads to me feeling crappy and depressed and that leads to more bad decisions...  Vicious cycle.

So I've been avoiding him with this trip as an excuse. I just have to find a way to keep it up now that I've returned. Never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss his girlfriend!

I'll just leave this quote from Louisa May Alcott's Rose in Bloom:

I don't know how others feel, but, to me, love isn't all. I must look up, not down, trust and honor with my whole heart, and find strength and integrity to lean on. I have had it so far, and I know I could not live without it.

Traveling

So here I am, trying to do things right and be a better person. How perfect that I'm on a work trip! It's so easy to allow bad habits in these circumstances: no routine, and the company is reimbursing my expenses! Eating out is a necessity and I've always felt that a restaurant meal should be a splurge.

One of the things that I saw in myself,  was that I actually have amazing willpower.  My friends in the yoga program couldn't believe the amount of temptation in my office and how well I resisted.  I found myself amazed at how easy it was! I just had to make the decision and choose to use my willpower and it all followed naturally.

So for these three days, I pledge that I'm going to skip all the fried stuff on the menu (although I probably still won't be ordering a salad!), limit myself to two glasses of red wine if dining socially, and that I'll do yoga in the mornings. Easy enough, right?

Restarting

And the usual restarting! Woot!! Always good since it's been more than a year since I last posted.

Anyway, I suppose, looking at the post prior to the last one, I should update the goals I listed for my New Year's Resolutions back then. So here goes:

1. I now live in an ancient duplex that is all crooked and I love it! Tons of windows, a spare bedroom to use as an office, and a yard. My gardening sucks, but I'm working on it! I also got a cat (well, kitten) and she adores the windows as well. Spends the evenings trying to get at moths flying against them!

2. I broke up with the lovely guy that I didn't see a future with. He started playing games and was resentful that I didn't seem to need him. Truth be told, I didn't! I'm on eHarmony now and that's okay. I don't think I'll re-up my subscription when it expires though.

3. Lost some weight, though I'm working on losing a bit more.  I'm also training to be a yoga assistant,  which is a lot of fun.

4. Le Creuset, mastered. A ridiculous amount more Le Creuset bought...

5. Working on the finances. I'm also looking for a better paying job so that should help!

6. I haven't gotten back into dancing. Guess I should add that to this year's plans!

7. No webcomic of mine yet, but I have been drawing one for the company newsletter so I'm going to count that as progress.

8. And lastly, not much with the meditation other than when I've been in yoga programs. I seem to have a 7.5 minute limit though. It's funny but every time I find myself sneaking a peek at the timer, that's what it is.

So why am I restarting this blog? In the past year, since November really, I've made a lot of amazing changes to my life and I found myself feeling happier and more capable than I have in ages. Then it fell apart a bit over Lent (ironically) and I've been backsliding into habits that don't improve my life and could potentially ruin it. I want to keep working towards being the person I felt myself becoming, so here's my spot for introspection and renewing my motivation. I suppose that almost makes this my meditation! I don't think I'll be writing in here every day but I'm going to try to be somewhat consistent so I can keep that motivation up!