There has to be a trick to it!

So the mason jar salads went really well. In fact, I've even kept up with it by making a salad for this past week as well! I'm still not feeling my life fall back into place though.

It's a bit ironic, what I really pinpoint as the moment I got off the rails again was during Lent. I gave up Netflix and TV and didn't have anything to fill the extra time. Ironic, neh? By trying to give up a "bad" habit, I fell back into worse ones. Let the lesson be learned, bad is not the same for everyone! While the TV was playing, I would sketch or do laundry, cook and experiment with various things. Without it, I found myself wasting time on the internet and drinking and there I went! Back down the unhealthy rabbit hole.

I'm trying to figure out what was the magic key that clicked and got me on track back in October. Was it the Herbal Cleanse? Tried that again and failed. The weekly meetings? Can't really replicate that on my own. The copious amount of time spent sweating? I'm getting in some with my yoga assistant practice. Or was there some nebulous alignment of various things, both conscious and subconscious that just clicked into place?

I'll never really know but I'm going to keep trying to get back there. Resolution for the next week: Wake up at 6 or before every morning. Even if I don't have plans, just wake up and enjoy some tea and sit outside (if the mosquitoes allow!).

I want to feel myself closer to being the person I want to be as I approach the anniversary of Spark. All alcoholics experience some backsliding, so maybe this is just my moment of relapse into the old lazy person I've found it too easy to be for the last several years.

This week

So the theme for this week is mason jars. Yup, just as this trend is passing its peak and going on the downswing, I am jumping on board!

Basically, I'm hoping this can encourage me to eat more salad. I've picked two recipes that I'll make for lunch  tonight that I will eat for the week. I'm also going to give sprouting at home a try. I'll be picking up some screen for the lids of my mason jars so that I can see how this works. I really loved throwing sprouts into my cooking in Japan (20 cents for a giant bag of mung bean sprouts, cheapest way to add veggies to anything!).

I will be making Asian Noodle Salad (with zucchini for noodles) and Citrus Chicken and Orzo salad. Recipes shamelessly cribbed from Buzzfeed recommendations.

I'll keep all my non-existent readers updated! Maybe I'll even try to figure out posting pictures!

Good Influences

Another thing I'm using this trip for: to try to naturally wean a friend from relying so much on me. He went through a catastrophic breakup recently (and by catastrophic, I mean restraining orders and felony accusations). He's been with the girl for 6 years, and he's known her for 12. I think that he's essentially trying to replace her with me. Constant messaging, compliments, and the occasional drunk messaging spree (on his side) all send the same message: Danger, Will Robinson!

I am not interested in saving anyone any more than I am interested in being saved. I truly believe that no one can be saved by another, at least not as regards anything other than the physical. We all have the capacity, and indeed, the responsibility to save ourselves.We might get a helping hand now and again, but the majority and the motivation MUST come from within.

So all that is to say that I am trying to accept that I can't save him and that in the effort to do so, I could very easily be dragged down by him. I need to surround myself with people who inspire me and make me a better person and he isn't one of them. I could write all the reasons why but the short version is that when I get caught up in talking to him, l drink too much and stay up too late. Then the sleep deprivation leads to me feeling crappy and depressed and that leads to more bad decisions...  Vicious cycle.

So I've been avoiding him with this trip as an excuse. I just have to find a way to keep it up now that I've returned. Never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss his girlfriend!

I'll just leave this quote from Louisa May Alcott's Rose in Bloom:

I don't know how others feel, but, to me, love isn't all. I must look up, not down, trust and honor with my whole heart, and find strength and integrity to lean on. I have had it so far, and I know I could not live without it.

Traveling

So here I am, trying to do things right and be a better person. How perfect that I'm on a work trip! It's so easy to allow bad habits in these circumstances: no routine, and the company is reimbursing my expenses! Eating out is a necessity and I've always felt that a restaurant meal should be a splurge.

One of the things that I saw in myself,  was that I actually have amazing willpower.  My friends in the yoga program couldn't believe the amount of temptation in my office and how well I resisted.  I found myself amazed at how easy it was! I just had to make the decision and choose to use my willpower and it all followed naturally.

So for these three days, I pledge that I'm going to skip all the fried stuff on the menu (although I probably still won't be ordering a salad!), limit myself to two glasses of red wine if dining socially, and that I'll do yoga in the mornings. Easy enough, right?

Restarting

And the usual restarting! Woot!! Always good since it's been more than a year since I last posted.

Anyway, I suppose, looking at the post prior to the last one, I should update the goals I listed for my New Year's Resolutions back then. So here goes:

1. I now live in an ancient duplex that is all crooked and I love it! Tons of windows, a spare bedroom to use as an office, and a yard. My gardening sucks, but I'm working on it! I also got a cat (well, kitten) and she adores the windows as well. Spends the evenings trying to get at moths flying against them!

2. I broke up with the lovely guy that I didn't see a future with. He started playing games and was resentful that I didn't seem to need him. Truth be told, I didn't! I'm on eHarmony now and that's okay. I don't think I'll re-up my subscription when it expires though.

3. Lost some weight, though I'm working on losing a bit more.  I'm also training to be a yoga assistant,  which is a lot of fun.

4. Le Creuset, mastered. A ridiculous amount more Le Creuset bought...

5. Working on the finances. I'm also looking for a better paying job so that should help!

6. I haven't gotten back into dancing. Guess I should add that to this year's plans!

7. No webcomic of mine yet, but I have been drawing one for the company newsletter so I'm going to count that as progress.

8. And lastly, not much with the meditation other than when I've been in yoga programs. I seem to have a 7.5 minute limit though. It's funny but every time I find myself sneaking a peek at the timer, that's what it is.

So why am I restarting this blog? In the past year, since November really, I've made a lot of amazing changes to my life and I found myself feeling happier and more capable than I have in ages. Then it fell apart a bit over Lent (ironically) and I've been backsliding into habits that don't improve my life and could potentially ruin it. I want to keep working towards being the person I felt myself becoming, so here's my spot for introspection and renewing my motivation. I suppose that almost makes this my meditation! I don't think I'll be writing in here every day but I'm going to try to be somewhat consistent so I can keep that motivation up!

Naturally..

So, annoying situation at work today...

I have been working my butt off since I wound up having about 15 days worth of work and 5 days to do it in. One aspect of a project, that usually takes 3 days minimum, I pulled off in 10 hours. So naturally, the software has a glitch and deletes part of it. No worries, I pull together and get it fixed before I leave work for the day.

So there I am, feeling all completed and ready to enjoy relaxing at choir practice. I get home and discover that my boss has been emailing and texting me saying I need to fix the stuff the glitch messed up ASAP. Y'know, the stuff I fixed roughly 5 hours earlier...

I admit, I'm not the greatest with administration or that type of stuff, but I make sure that everything I deliver satisfies. I'm just really annoyed he thought I'd have let this slide! And he NEVER micromanages so I don't know what was eating him tonight...

It sucks to be reprimanded for something you screwed up, but in some ways, it's even worse to be reprimanded for something you didn't.

NYE Reflections

Gotta love this time of year, when everybody reflects on what they dislike most about themselves and what they most want to change. Now, I'd love to say that I'm perfect but one of my christening gifts from the fairies was an oddly practical side to balance out my daydreamy nature. As a result, I am not the greatest at self-deception. Sometimes it gets Inception-like though with my practical side suspecting that my unflinching view of myself is just my daydreamy side imagining that I have an unflinching view of myself as practical. That made absolute sense in my head...

So, things to try and get straightened out this year:

1. A new place to live. The cave that is my apartment is getting tiresome.
2. Figure out the dating thing. While I'm dating a lovely guy right now, I don't really see long term potential.
3. Stereotypically, lose some weight and shape up. Maybe that'll get my mom to start harrassing me about giving her grandkids again, instead of my weight!
4. Learn how to use my new Le Creuset french oven. Can't wait! (Of course, for healthy things re: #3)
5. Sort out the finances. I have an MBA in Finance as well as Marketing; it's embarrassing to have debt!
6. Find places to go dancing. I love it, I miss it.
7. Start that freaking webcomic finally. It's been years and poor Q is still in purgatory!
8. If I do nothing else, start a meditation practice. I have forgotten how to be alone with myself and I need reminding.

I'm sure there's other things I could do, but surely that's enough for now.